Forgiveness and Freedom

It's been hard. It's been nearly a year since the first shock and I'm still not exactly over it and can't quite deal with it too well etc. A year back two things were happening at the same time. A major part of my life was being made while the other very important part was breaking down. The first part has shaped up pretty well I must admit, perfect too maybe while of the other not too much it left.
It's like someone even swept away the embers of the fire and left nothing but the cold and the dark ash. Though I've accepted by now what's happened and fortunately or not it's had major consequences on a few aspects of my personality, my beliefs, thinking about it is still the hardest thing and my biggest weakness.
Forgiveness.
I forgive her. I really think I do.
I mean, let's face it, it will ALWAYS be difficult for me to deal with, think about etc, but that doesn't mean I can't forgive her. I love her too much. She meant the world to me and that's a feeling that gets etched in stone and never fades away. Today, this very day, I would give all for things to have gone differently, but they didn't. She's somewhere, with the one she loves and a smile on her face. I think that's all I ever wanted for her, just that I'd hoped to be a bigger reason for and part of the smile.
But then, "True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
I love her, in my own millions of ways and I always will. I think she knows that and believes in that.
Freedom.
I am free.
Accepting and facing this properly was one of the hardest things for me and will possibly hold that pedestal for some time to come. But I'm still working on it. I believe I'm at a crossroads in life and it doesn't feel too right, or that's what some people say.
I am where I am, what I am.
I am going where I want to be, becoming who I want to be.
I'm in love. I'm learning to live with that, accepting that as a part of life while moving on in a weird way.
I am.
God, keep me strong.