Creep

At peace, I watch her sleep.
We're on Skype, I'm not a creep.

She doesn't sleep well with the lights on.
She left the light on, so I could feel close, on a day of distance.

She moves in bed, tugging the blanket,
shuffling the pillow.
Somewhere, in her head, I know its my arm she's tugging at,
my chest she's finding her spot on.

Her tiny baby like snores, as she sleeps, blissfully.
Soothing me, with her every breath.
Rhythm, sans notes and yet no melody was sweeter.

Maybe I am a creep. But I'm her creep.
And I could want nothing more.

Not writing anymore

She asked me why I haven't written since.... I gave her an answer that isn't untrue.

But... I don't know, really.

Did I become that emptied out, that the pot had no more ink anymore.
Was it too wasteful, to express?
Was expression itself, deemed pointless now?

Was that a turning point? Was it a trigger?


Is this baggage? Or is this growth? Or just, is.

Here.

You need to go away for a while.
That's okay.
You need to sail the ocean alone, a while.
That's okay.
You need to disappear for now.
That's okay.
To close the windows to the world outside.
To not have the smells and sounds come into your mind.
That's okay.
You need to be alone for a while.
That's okay.
You need to travel the world.
That's okay.

So go on, my traveler. Travel the world. Places to see. A self to discover.


I will be here.
Right here.

Next to this little empty patch. The empty patch I'm going to keep dry. Keep clean.

For you.
For when you return.

Here.
Home.

Nuts

I want to go away with you
I want to live with you
I want to fight over who makes breakfast
I want to not keep any maids and manage our own home
I want to cook for you
I want to eat what you cook for me
I want to see you in my shirts - the only 5 I have
I want to wear your shorts - the only one that fits
I want to sit in silence - you drinkin your wine and reading, me my beer and emailing
I want to go on walks petting strays with you (we can carry sanitizer)
I want spend hours by the Oceanside with you
I want to hold you when something is breaking you apart
I want to curl up in your lap when it's too much for me to bear
I want to play with the imperfections in your skin
I want to make you a playground in the imperfections of my mind
I want to go to a playground together
Someday, I want us three to go to the playground together
I want to scare you as I dive off into the open sea
I want to relieve you when I surface blowing you a kiss
I want to feel that scare and that relief too


But most importantly of all, I don't want you. I want us.
I love you, yes, but us?
Us I am frigging nuts about.

.

dont remember the last time i was genuinely happy for more than a 10 day stretch.

.

Of a wolf.

green

jealous of how soon you have him mingling with your circles,
and how soon you're mingling with his.

jealous of how he has your hand to smell whenever he wants,
and how you choose only to smell his.