Beer

Though I'd said this post would be about something, let's just leave that for later.
Had some beer today after quite a few days and it feels pleasantly nice. I was more on the alone mood today, drinking by myself, talking to myself et al.
See, the thing is, I've got a lot of things in life, I've achieved a lot, but when it comes to the thing i want(ed) the most, God just never lets the dice play my way. I feel that its like an option, get everything else, or get only what you want the most. I wish I could change the choice my 'soul' made before my birth. Cos it seems it made the wrong choice back there in ignorance and now I'm not too pleased about it.
You get the feeling you'd give up so much for that one thing (person; its way too obvious by now) but no matter what you do, it isn't happening. The helpless feeling, coupled with the power in other spheres of life leaves me all confused. It leaves me wondering a cliched thought 'why me'. But then I just guess it's common to a lot of us, it happens to a lot of us, it's a part of our learning, it's a part of life; a 'good' life.
It feels like a snail in a shell, to be at a pedestal in the world but knowing inside you that you think you're down in the dumps. It's so difficult to convince yourself that you are actually worth something, and not as much of a dirt particle as you think you are.
It's too much to fight continuously along with all the other battles of an everyday life, especially the significantly hard one I'm going through right now (read First Year @ IIM A)
I'm still trying, I see my blood, it strengthens me, I see my scars, they immune me, I see the future, it inspires me, I see my heart; and then I see you.

Love,
Always,
Abhi.