After much alcohol, thought, conversation, alcohol I wasn't quite able to think of something I really wanted to write about.
This is about... I have absolutely no fucking idea what from my head I'm going to spew out here, on this lone night.
Letters. They don't fall into place. It's quite like Tetris really. Absolutely no idea which way it'll end up. All you know is it will end.
1.
A conversation on twitter today was about sex, and being alone (like 90% conversations, I know).
In the midst of this, I said that one can be alone, while having sex too.
Take a minute, and go back and read that again. If you have had a moderately active sex life, and one not stemming only from love, you will possibly relate a little to what I speak of.
There is that one time, you might have felt infuriatingly alone, while being as physically close to another human being as one can get, without one being in the womb of the other.
I have had that time. More than once.
Therein, also, lies the beauty of sex. The pure raw action stemming from physical need. The pureness of it's act in as a satisfaction of an urge and nothing more.
Tonight, I don't quite care to explain all I'm saying, so this I leave here.
I don't know if I'd wish on you that you experience this or not. I am undecided on that.
2.
Twitter folk.
Of late, a lot of people, (erstwhile close) friends in real life, have been questioning the extent to which I hang / bond / chill / interact / meet (with) people from twitter.
I find it hard to explain too.
Some of the best friendships I've molded over the past few months, have been with people I've met off twitter. And these relationships are far more relaxing than most. They come without the baggage of expectations, with the boon of togetherness.
I've occasionally been skeptical of how strong they really are, and whether they will give way to pressure / stress when it comes around.
My fears are yet to be proven true, and I doubt they ever will be.
There is something about getting to know a complete stranger, that is beautiful.
(Sorry, sudden ecstatic break to the post; I just won a case of beer from @kingfisherworld! Whopeeeee!!!!!!! :D :D :D)
I love these people, love spending time with them, despite our differences, give without expecting, and receive likewise. You know who you are. I love you people. Don't prove me wrong. I've stood up for you more times than you'd know.
3.
Career choices type stuff.
I realise this probably won't be the most interesting topic for people to read. But it's been on my mind.
Been contemplating a change for a while, since there is something pretty exciting on the horizon.
The effect (positive) of living with @krisnair is clearly visible. Not even 10 days, and on my way to doing something I'd be proud of myself for.
The logic is simple, it's much harder to implement:
To make money, you have to do something on your own. You can't work for someone.
I hope to get closer to this with time, however hard it is, and however sickening the constraints might be.
And I'm not saying making money has to be your objective, I'm just saying it is mine. Call me shallow or what you will. I've seen money work, I believe in it. I love it. I want it.
4.
Death. Plane. Thought. Lines. (via @nelsonnium)
Lines. Math. I miss mathematics in my life *so* much it's not funny.
Possibly the one major regret of not studying enough of it, but I guess however much I had, it'd still be less.
For all of you who might read this, and are still studying. Dive into mathematics. Lose yourself in it. There is beauty there. Really. You will cherish it forever.
You may forget all the theorems, all the rules, all the nomenclature.
You will never forget how it made you feel. Ever.
5. Lion King. Aladdin. Finding Nemo. (via @nelsonnium)
The ocean. Throw me in the sea and see me smile like you rarely ever would on land.
That is what the sea can do to me. It has, it always has, I hope it always does.
5.1 The lion seeks courage. The boy hopes for a miracle. The lost fish swims in the bowl. All seeking. (via @vivekisms)
Seeking. we're all seeking, searching, continually. For amusement, income, love, happiness, sex, companionship. So many things.
Something @harshsabale said to me, comes to mind. "I just did everything I could, and took every opportunity that came my way."
That's something to learn from. Do everything you can. Spread out. Leave a mark everywhere. A lot of it is bound to go wrong. A lot, will also go right.
I digress. What I'm saying is, (and I need to learn this too), we need to stop seeking.
We need to start exploring. What we want / need, we will find along the way.
Explore. Don't search.
6.
500 Miles (via iTunes)
I've been home for less than 300 days in the last seven and a half years. Or something like that.
I've got accustomed to calling where I'm sleeping home. In those seven and a half years, I've called a pavement a home, a colony park a home, a car a home, a toilet a home, a beach a home, a boat a home, you get the idea.
I've slept in more places than you'd think.
I miss my parents. I miss being home. I like being away too. I flew out of the nest a long time back. I miss listening to songs with dad. Troubling mom with demands for food. Fighting with the once unmarried, college going sister.
Things have moved on. So have I. But I remember. I cherish.
To those of you who have the good fortune of living with your parents and family, and having them around always, cherish it. You only how much it means, when you don't have it.
And more than you, your mother knows. I wish mine didn't have to have it like this. But then, that's what life is isn't it.
7.
Rubber. Road. Grip. (via @krisnair)
Always use a rubber. I'm not a saint, and I have erred too. I've always woken up regretting it. The stakes are too high. There's too much to lose, for no reason.
While on @krisnair.
Be grounded. To be very melodramatic
"You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake; You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else; We are all part of the same compost heap; We are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world"
Remember that, and then try be the snowflake. Fight for it. For yourself. Not for showing someone you are one.
Be different, be someone, be meaningful, for yourself. No one else gives a fuck.
He is that. He might make me like that still. Hopefully.
8.
Be not afraid of indulging in something that makes you happy (with the disclaimer that it shouldn't be something that's causing harm to someone or to your health).
Life's too short to worry about the consequences of a lot of things. If it makes you happy, it does.
You can't ever regret something that gave you joy and happiness at that point of time. Things will always be different in retrospect, but that's the point. Things change, time moves on.
Grab all the happiness you can get at every point in your life.
Looking back at the random musings of tonight, I’ve voiced my thoughts on sex and being alone, on how I’ve come close to people I met through twitter, on my career choices, on mathematics and my unrealized love for the same, on the sea, on seeking and exploring, on home and family, on having safe sex, on being grounded, on happiness.
To tie it all together. Cherish family, understand math, have safe sex, lots of it, be trusting, take risks, explore, be unafraid, be grounded, be happy.
I see I haven't tied anything together, but somehow it does.
Our lives are all over the place, chaotic, and yet it all comes together. In exactly the same way, I think all of this does. Somehow, sometime, it does.
I am indebted to @mizarcle @vivekisms and @nelsonnium for the push in getting me to write. Thank you. I know this is all over the place. I hope it doesn't completely disappoint.
Featuring @mizarcle @vivekisms @nelsonnium @krisnair @harshsabale @kingfisherworld