Saturday, December 13, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Forgiveness and Freedom
It's been hard. It's been nearly a year since the first shock and I'm still not exactly over it and can't quite deal with it too well etc. A year back two things were happening at the same time. A major part of my life was being made while the other very important part was breaking down. The first part has shaped up pretty well I must admit, perfect too maybe while of the other not too much it left.
It's like someone even swept away the embers of the fire and left nothing but the cold and the dark ash. Though I've accepted by now what's happened and fortunately or not it's had major consequences on a few aspects of my personality, my beliefs, thinking about it is still the hardest thing and my biggest weakness.
Forgiveness.
I forgive her. I really think I do.
I mean, let's face it, it will ALWAYS be difficult for me to deal with, think about etc, but that doesn't mean I can't forgive her. I love her too much. She meant the world to me and that's a feeling that gets etched in stone and never fades away. Today, this very day, I would give all for things to have gone differently, but they didn't. She's somewhere, with the one she loves and a smile on her face. I think that's all I ever wanted for her, just that I'd hoped to be a bigger reason for and part of the smile.
But then, "True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
I love her, in my own millions of ways and I always will. I think she knows that and believes in that.
Freedom.
I am free.
Accepting and facing this properly was one of the hardest things for me and will possibly hold that pedestal for some time to come. But I'm still working on it. I believe I'm at a crossroads in life and it doesn't feel too right, or that's what some people say.
I am where I am, what I am.
I am going where I want to be, becoming who I want to be.
I'm in love. I'm learning to live with that, accepting that as a part of life while moving on in a weird way.
I am.
God, keep me strong.
It's like someone even swept away the embers of the fire and left nothing but the cold and the dark ash. Though I've accepted by now what's happened and fortunately or not it's had major consequences on a few aspects of my personality, my beliefs, thinking about it is still the hardest thing and my biggest weakness.
Forgiveness.
I forgive her. I really think I do.
I mean, let's face it, it will ALWAYS be difficult for me to deal with, think about etc, but that doesn't mean I can't forgive her. I love her too much. She meant the world to me and that's a feeling that gets etched in stone and never fades away. Today, this very day, I would give all for things to have gone differently, but they didn't. She's somewhere, with the one she loves and a smile on her face. I think that's all I ever wanted for her, just that I'd hoped to be a bigger reason for and part of the smile.
But then, "True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
I love her, in my own millions of ways and I always will. I think she knows that and believes in that.
Freedom.
I am free.
Accepting and facing this properly was one of the hardest things for me and will possibly hold that pedestal for some time to come. But I'm still working on it. I believe I'm at a crossroads in life and it doesn't feel too right, or that's what some people say.
I am where I am, what I am.
I am going where I want to be, becoming who I want to be.
I'm in love. I'm learning to live with that, accepting that as a part of life while moving on in a weird way.
I am.
God, keep me strong.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Fun Day
Had a nice day today. Got up for breakfast on time, then went back to sleep and slept through pretty much the whole day. Got up at 1630 and that in itself was a nice change, then was just chilling.
Started some whisky and hookah in my room with a couple of friends in the evening. Was having sheesha after so long it felt amazing. We then went out for dinner to Upper Crust, had some amazing baked chicken stuff with copious amounts of cheese (sigh!). Came back to campus and somehow landed up on the basketball court and joined in for a good game despite a stomach that looked fit to be two months pregnant. Got all sweaty and dirty (again) which completely made redundant my weekly bath (okay four days actually) I took in the afternoon.
But an amazing day. Had fun.
Cheers and hope many more like these come my way.
:)
Started some whisky and hookah in my room with a couple of friends in the evening. Was having sheesha after so long it felt amazing. We then went out for dinner to Upper Crust, had some amazing baked chicken stuff with copious amounts of cheese (sigh!). Came back to campus and somehow landed up on the basketball court and joined in for a good game despite a stomach that looked fit to be two months pregnant. Got all sweaty and dirty (again) which completely made redundant my weekly bath (okay four days actually) I took in the afternoon.
But an amazing day. Had fun.
Cheers and hope many more like these come my way.
:)
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