Resolve Status

2 days. 1 fag.
Good going.

Of Diwali, Resolves, Music

Look your love has drawn red from my hands
From my hands you know you'll never be
More than twist in my sobriety..
Thus run the words of my latest find in music - A Twist in my Sobriety by Tanita Tikaram.
With an amazing voice, and an award winning video, this song by her is a winner.
Anyway, spent most of yesterday having a ball and studying at the same time. Watched two movies - Boondock Saints and Wanted. Both brilliant, the first being simply outstanding. Studied some Fin stuff so wasn't as non productive a day as I thought it might turn out to be. (today seems to be different :D ). The highlight, an hour of amazing music on YouTube with a few pegs of Rum.
That made me feel complete again.
Well come Diwali morning and ran to have breakfast. The first thought I had when I got up was 'Let's quit smoking'. Thus the resolve made, growing firmer but weaker still with every waking moment.
Been having a lot of fun lately, but I really think its time I get more serious. For everything else, 'you'll never be anything more than a twist in my sobriety'.

Free Hug Campaign

Hi.
I intend to do a free hug campaign @ Mumbai / Delhi sometime. Interested people do contact me.
09724344200

just..

bored. attempting to use time. tired. aching. enthused. later.

Beer

Though I'd said this post would be about something, let's just leave that for later.
Had some beer today after quite a few days and it feels pleasantly nice. I was more on the alone mood today, drinking by myself, talking to myself et al.
See, the thing is, I've got a lot of things in life, I've achieved a lot, but when it comes to the thing i want(ed) the most, God just never lets the dice play my way. I feel that its like an option, get everything else, or get only what you want the most. I wish I could change the choice my 'soul' made before my birth. Cos it seems it made the wrong choice back there in ignorance and now I'm not too pleased about it.
You get the feeling you'd give up so much for that one thing (person; its way too obvious by now) but no matter what you do, it isn't happening. The helpless feeling, coupled with the power in other spheres of life leaves me all confused. It leaves me wondering a cliched thought 'why me'. But then I just guess it's common to a lot of us, it happens to a lot of us, it's a part of our learning, it's a part of life; a 'good' life.
It feels like a snail in a shell, to be at a pedestal in the world but knowing inside you that you think you're down in the dumps. It's so difficult to convince yourself that you are actually worth something, and not as much of a dirt particle as you think you are.
It's too much to fight continuously along with all the other battles of an everyday life, especially the significantly hard one I'm going through right now (read First Year @ IIM A)
I'm still trying, I see my blood, it strengthens me, I see my scars, they immune me, I see the future, it inspires me, I see my heart; and then I see you.

Love,
Always,
Abhi.

Sleeplessness, Mind Power

This post is all about the sleeplessness witnessed in IIM A.
Its not for the most part about me, as I was never a sleep maniac before coming here either. I loved the days when I would sleep just four hours, using the others productively or otherwise. Thankfully, before joining I had a lot of those long working hour days and long meeting friends nights so sleep wasn't too much.
A look around and I can see the difference in the people around. Mostly so with those who are having their first hostel experiences or are non engineering, for lets admit it, hostel life; more so a engineering hostel life has late nights galore. Those fortuitous one's, or as they like to believe, who spent eight hours sleeping everyday, now call times like 2 am pretty early and sane.
It's amusing at the superficial, but on a slightly deeper level embeds my belief that the need for sleep is nothing but a self mind built need. Yes, the body does need a few hours of rest, but we grossly exaggerate this need more often than not.
Well I do admit I hate the concept of sleeping, and would much rather I could go on without. I do cherish those occasional lazy naps (especially given their infrequency of late), but I'd just rather have that as an option.
This leads me on to one of my favorite topics for deeper discussion - that most of what we believe is in our minds.
coming up - next post.

Placements Approach...

I just came back from a wonderful game of basketball, which incidentally my team lost, but hell that doesn't matter. Just playing, on the court, with the ball in my hands felt orgasmic!! Yes, that would give you an idea of how much I get to play my favorite sport here.
Well anyway, coming to more pressing issues, I have four classes tomorrow, spread through the day, so as to ensure there is no way I can get any other work done. Damn! And let's not even get to the amount of preparation needed for those classes.
Summer placements are approaching as well and that pressure just keeps mounting. With the markets in the dastardly condition they are, all of us are just 'scared sick' to be mild. But yet, the curriculum just wouldn't allow any leeway to enable us to focus on preparations a little at least.
Its getting harder and harder with each day, longer cases, more classes, approaching exams, quiz tensions, stupid and not so stupid assignments, the longer spells of dryness, I think you get the picture.

All said and done, yet I find myself addicted to this place. Loving each day, living it, or at least trying to, to the hilt. Knowing more, about stuff, about people and most importantly I guess, about myself. It's a journey I believe unparalleled and 'exotic'.
The quest goes on and the thirst lingers,
its time to put to better use these fingers,
to write some reports, solve some cases,
trying to come up with some solid aces.

I realize now I suck a lot at rhyme,
no problem, it just wont get me that dime,
I shouldn't go on, but i guess i will,
for the fire in me is burning still.
the fire in me, burn forever it will.