Saturday, December 13, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Forgiveness and Freedom
It's been hard. It's been nearly a year since the first shock and I'm still not exactly over it and can't quite deal with it too well etc. A year back two things were happening at the same time. A major part of my life was being made while the other very important part was breaking down. The first part has shaped up pretty well I must admit, perfect too maybe while of the other not too much it left.
It's like someone even swept away the embers of the fire and left nothing but the cold and the dark ash. Though I've accepted by now what's happened and fortunately or not it's had major consequences on a few aspects of my personality, my beliefs, thinking about it is still the hardest thing and my biggest weakness.
Forgiveness.
I forgive her. I really think I do.
I mean, let's face it, it will ALWAYS be difficult for me to deal with, think about etc, but that doesn't mean I can't forgive her. I love her too much. She meant the world to me and that's a feeling that gets etched in stone and never fades away. Today, this very day, I would give all for things to have gone differently, but they didn't. She's somewhere, with the one she loves and a smile on her face. I think that's all I ever wanted for her, just that I'd hoped to be a bigger reason for and part of the smile.
But then, "True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
I love her, in my own millions of ways and I always will. I think she knows that and believes in that.
Freedom.
I am free.
Accepting and facing this properly was one of the hardest things for me and will possibly hold that pedestal for some time to come. But I'm still working on it. I believe I'm at a crossroads in life and it doesn't feel too right, or that's what some people say.
I am where I am, what I am.
I am going where I want to be, becoming who I want to be.
I'm in love. I'm learning to live with that, accepting that as a part of life while moving on in a weird way.
I am.
God, keep me strong.
It's like someone even swept away the embers of the fire and left nothing but the cold and the dark ash. Though I've accepted by now what's happened and fortunately or not it's had major consequences on a few aspects of my personality, my beliefs, thinking about it is still the hardest thing and my biggest weakness.
Forgiveness.
I forgive her. I really think I do.
I mean, let's face it, it will ALWAYS be difficult for me to deal with, think about etc, but that doesn't mean I can't forgive her. I love her too much. She meant the world to me and that's a feeling that gets etched in stone and never fades away. Today, this very day, I would give all for things to have gone differently, but they didn't. She's somewhere, with the one she loves and a smile on her face. I think that's all I ever wanted for her, just that I'd hoped to be a bigger reason for and part of the smile.
But then, "True love begins when nothing is looked for in return."
I love her, in my own millions of ways and I always will. I think she knows that and believes in that.
Freedom.
I am free.
Accepting and facing this properly was one of the hardest things for me and will possibly hold that pedestal for some time to come. But I'm still working on it. I believe I'm at a crossroads in life and it doesn't feel too right, or that's what some people say.
I am where I am, what I am.
I am going where I want to be, becoming who I want to be.
I'm in love. I'm learning to live with that, accepting that as a part of life while moving on in a weird way.
I am.
God, keep me strong.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Fun Day
Had a nice day today. Got up for breakfast on time, then went back to sleep and slept through pretty much the whole day. Got up at 1630 and that in itself was a nice change, then was just chilling.
Started some whisky and hookah in my room with a couple of friends in the evening. Was having sheesha after so long it felt amazing. We then went out for dinner to Upper Crust, had some amazing baked chicken stuff with copious amounts of cheese (sigh!). Came back to campus and somehow landed up on the basketball court and joined in for a good game despite a stomach that looked fit to be two months pregnant. Got all sweaty and dirty (again) which completely made redundant my weekly bath (okay four days actually) I took in the afternoon.
But an amazing day. Had fun.
Cheers and hope many more like these come my way.
:)
Started some whisky and hookah in my room with a couple of friends in the evening. Was having sheesha after so long it felt amazing. We then went out for dinner to Upper Crust, had some amazing baked chicken stuff with copious amounts of cheese (sigh!). Came back to campus and somehow landed up on the basketball court and joined in for a good game despite a stomach that looked fit to be two months pregnant. Got all sweaty and dirty (again) which completely made redundant my weekly bath (okay four days actually) I took in the afternoon.
But an amazing day. Had fun.
Cheers and hope many more like these come my way.
:)
Friday, November 28, 2008
Passion
It's been a long time since my last post and a lot has happened since.
Life at IIMA seems half over post summer placements. Got the summer intern at Deutsche Bank.
I think the whole process helped me regain a lot of confidence in myself, the decisions I've taken in life and the person I am.
Don't mean that in an arrogant manner, but it cleared several gray areas for me.
Barely study now, preparing for classes is a joke. Good times are the order of the day.
Went to the Little Kutch desert and to Gir recently. In three days, I saw a sunset on the desert horizon, a lion and then a sunset over the ocean. A three days very well spent and a three days I won't like to forget. The company was amazing on the trips as well, has some awesome times, some serious times, some touchy feely times, tons of arbit times et al.
On the course of the trip, I developed a liking for beedi's (weird I guess). They are pretty nice and cheap. I'm just trying to do some research as to how they compare as a killing machine vis a vis cigarettes. This sort of makes it evident that the quit smoking campaign didn't go that well, but what the hell!!
Coming to what I basically wanted to talk about - Passion.
The trip(s) and a movie later, I had a question nagging me - What is my passion?
Let me define passion for a moment here, partially to clear my head maybe. Passion would be that one thing one wants to do in life. That one thing you could never say no to, that one thing that is a major reason and purpose of your life. The one thing that defines you and your life to a reasonable extent.
The problem - I can't seem to touch upon the thing I'm passionate about.
More importantly perhaps, the life I'm currently living is not one which will get me any closer to finding and pursuing it. I mean, what the hell, here I am doing an MBA, seeking a six figure salary, though thankfully in a field which interests me. This cannot be the purpose of life, I didn't go through all the crap that I have for this.
I spoke to someone close and asked her if she had any idea as to what I might be passionate about. She said - "Everything you do, you put your heart and soul in it and do with passion". Well if that is true I compliment myself and pat myself on the back for such an attitude, but I still lack that ONE passion.
I like a lot of things, don't know if I love any of them enough to make my life something revolving around them.
I spoke to my neighbour here in Dorm, a close friend too, and asked him his passion.
He said "Success". Can success bea passion. Not in my mind, but needless to say, I can be mistaken. That day, I did walk away saying "That's bullshit", and still think on the same lines.
Success is not a concern when you're passionate about something. The most failed dancers, singers, mathematicians, writers can still be passionate about those very things. Passion and success are two separate issues. Further does it even make sense to be passionate about 'success' as a 'thing'?
I'm still full of a lot of questions, trying to figure things out. Lets see where thought leads me.
Would really like you to comment with your opinion especially if you made the effort of reading through all of this.
Life at IIMA seems half over post summer placements. Got the summer intern at Deutsche Bank.
I think the whole process helped me regain a lot of confidence in myself, the decisions I've taken in life and the person I am.
Don't mean that in an arrogant manner, but it cleared several gray areas for me.
Barely study now, preparing for classes is a joke. Good times are the order of the day.
Went to the Little Kutch desert and to Gir recently. In three days, I saw a sunset on the desert horizon, a lion and then a sunset over the ocean. A three days very well spent and a three days I won't like to forget. The company was amazing on the trips as well, has some awesome times, some serious times, some touchy feely times, tons of arbit times et al.
On the course of the trip, I developed a liking for beedi's (weird I guess). They are pretty nice and cheap. I'm just trying to do some research as to how they compare as a killing machine vis a vis cigarettes. This sort of makes it evident that the quit smoking campaign didn't go that well, but what the hell!!
Coming to what I basically wanted to talk about - Passion.
The trip(s) and a movie later, I had a question nagging me - What is my passion?
Let me define passion for a moment here, partially to clear my head maybe. Passion would be that one thing one wants to do in life. That one thing you could never say no to, that one thing that is a major reason and purpose of your life. The one thing that defines you and your life to a reasonable extent.
The problem - I can't seem to touch upon the thing I'm passionate about.
More importantly perhaps, the life I'm currently living is not one which will get me any closer to finding and pursuing it. I mean, what the hell, here I am doing an MBA, seeking a six figure salary, though thankfully in a field which interests me. This cannot be the purpose of life, I didn't go through all the crap that I have for this.
I spoke to someone close and asked her if she had any idea as to what I might be passionate about. She said - "Everything you do, you put your heart and soul in it and do with passion". Well if that is true I compliment myself and pat myself on the back for such an attitude, but I still lack that ONE passion.
I like a lot of things, don't know if I love any of them enough to make my life something revolving around them.
I spoke to my neighbour here in Dorm, a close friend too, and asked him his passion.
He said "Success". Can success bea passion. Not in my mind, but needless to say, I can be mistaken. That day, I did walk away saying "That's bullshit", and still think on the same lines.
Success is not a concern when you're passionate about something. The most failed dancers, singers, mathematicians, writers can still be passionate about those very things. Passion and success are two separate issues. Further does it even make sense to be passionate about 'success' as a 'thing'?
I'm still full of a lot of questions, trying to figure things out. Lets see where thought leads me.
Would really like you to comment with your opinion especially if you made the effort of reading through all of this.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Of Diwali, Resolves, Music
Look your love has drawn red from my hands
From my hands you know you'll never be
More than twist in my sobriety..
Thus run the words of my latest find in music - A Twist in my Sobriety by Tanita Tikaram.
With an amazing voice, and an award winning video, this song by her is a winner.
Anyway, spent most of yesterday having a ball and studying at the same time. Watched two movies - Boondock Saints and Wanted. Both brilliant, the first being simply outstanding. Studied some Fin stuff so wasn't as non productive a day as I thought it might turn out to be. (today seems to be different :D ). The highlight, an hour of amazing music on YouTube with a few pegs of Rum.
That made me feel complete again.
Well come Diwali morning and ran to have breakfast. The first thought I had when I got up was 'Let's quit smoking'. Thus the resolve made, growing firmer but weaker still with every waking moment.
Been having a lot of fun lately, but I really think its time I get more serious. For everything else, 'you'll never be anything more than a twist in my sobriety'.
From my hands you know you'll never be
More than twist in my sobriety..
Thus run the words of my latest find in music - A Twist in my Sobriety by Tanita Tikaram.
With an amazing voice, and an award winning video, this song by her is a winner.
Anyway, spent most of yesterday having a ball and studying at the same time. Watched two movies - Boondock Saints and Wanted. Both brilliant, the first being simply outstanding. Studied some Fin stuff so wasn't as non productive a day as I thought it might turn out to be. (today seems to be different :D ). The highlight, an hour of amazing music on YouTube with a few pegs of Rum.
That made me feel complete again.
Well come Diwali morning and ran to have breakfast. The first thought I had when I got up was 'Let's quit smoking'. Thus the resolve made, growing firmer but weaker still with every waking moment.
Been having a lot of fun lately, but I really think its time I get more serious. For everything else, 'you'll never be anything more than a twist in my sobriety'.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Free Hug Campaign
Hi.
I intend to do a free hug campaign @ Mumbai / Delhi sometime. Interested people do contact me.
09724344200
I intend to do a free hug campaign @ Mumbai / Delhi sometime. Interested people do contact me.
09724344200
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