Tetris

After much alcohol, thought, conversation, alcohol I wasn't quite able to think of something I really wanted to write about.

This is about... I have absolutely no fucking idea what from my head I'm going to spew out here, on this lone night.

Letters. They don't fall into place. It's quite like Tetris really. Absolutely no idea which way it'll end up. All you know is it will end.

1.

A conversation on twitter today was about sex, and being alone (like 90% conversations, I know).
In the midst of this, I said that one can be alone, while having sex too.

Take a minute, and go back and read that again. If you have had a moderately active sex life, and one not stemming only from love, you will possibly relate a little to what I speak of.
There is that one time, you might have felt infuriatingly alone, while being as physically close to another human being as one can get, without one being in the womb of the other.
I have had that time. More than once.
Therein, also, lies the beauty of sex. The pure raw action stemming from physical need. The pureness of it's act in as a satisfaction of an urge and nothing more.
Tonight, I don't quite care to explain all I'm saying, so this I leave here.
I don't know if I'd wish on you that you experience this or not. I am undecided on that.

2.

Twitter folk.

Of late, a lot of people, (erstwhile close) friends in real life, have been questioning the extent to which I hang / bond / chill / interact / meet (with) people from twitter.
I find it hard to explain too.

Some of the best friendships I've molded over the past few months, have been with people I've met off twitter. And these relationships are far more relaxing than most. They come without the baggage of expectations, with the boon of togetherness.

I've occasionally been skeptical of how strong they really are, and whether they will give way to pressure / stress when it comes around.
My fears are yet to be proven true, and I doubt they ever will be.
There is something about getting to know a complete stranger, that is beautiful.

(Sorry, sudden ecstatic break to the post; I just won a case of beer from @kingfisherworld! Whopeeeee!!!!!!! :D :D :D)

I love these people, love spending time with them, despite our differences, give without expecting, and receive likewise. You know who you are. I love you people. Don't prove me wrong. I've stood up for you more times than you'd know.


3.

Career choices type stuff.

I realise this probably won't be the most interesting topic for people to read. But it's been on my mind.
Been contemplating a change for a while, since there is something pretty exciting on the horizon.
The effect (positive) of living with @krisnair is clearly visible. Not even 10 days, and on my way to doing something I'd be proud of myself for.
The logic is simple, it's much harder to implement:
To make money, you have to do something on your own. You can't work for someone.
I hope to get closer to this with time, however hard it is, and however sickening the constraints might be.
And I'm not saying making money has to be your objective, I'm just saying it is mine. Call me shallow or what you will. I've seen money work, I believe in it. I love it. I want it.


4.

Death. Plane. Thought. Lines. (via @nelsonnium)

Lines. Math. I miss mathematics in my life *so* much it's not funny.
Possibly the one major regret of not studying enough of it, but I guess however much I had, it'd still be less.
For all of you who might read this, and are still studying. Dive into mathematics. Lose yourself in it. There is beauty there. Really. You will cherish it forever.
You may forget all the theorems, all the rules, all the nomenclature.
You will never forget how it made you feel. Ever.


5. Lion King. Aladdin. Finding Nemo. (via @nelsonnium)

The ocean. Throw me in the sea and see me smile like you rarely ever would on land.
That is what the sea can do to me. It has, it always has, I hope it always does.

5.1 The lion seeks courage. The boy hopes for a miracle. The lost fish swims in the bowl. All seeking. (via @vivekisms)

Seeking. we're all seeking, searching, continually. For amusement, income, love, happiness, sex, companionship. So many things.
Something @harshsabale said to me, comes to mind. "I just did everything I could, and took every opportunity that came my way."
That's something to learn from. Do everything you can. Spread out. Leave a mark everywhere. A lot of it is bound to go wrong. A lot, will also go right.
I digress. What I'm saying is, (and I need to learn this too), we need to stop seeking.
We need to start exploring. What we want / need, we will find along the way.
Explore. Don't search.

6.

500 Miles (via iTunes)

I've been home for less than 300 days in the last seven and a half years. Or something like that.
I've got accustomed to calling where I'm sleeping home. In those seven and a half years, I've called a pavement a home, a colony park a home, a car a home, a toilet a home, a beach a home, a boat a home, you get the idea.
I've slept in more places than you'd think.
I miss my parents. I miss being home. I like being away too. I flew out of the nest a long time back. I miss listening to songs with dad. Troubling mom with demands for food. Fighting with the once unmarried, college going sister.
Things have moved on. So have I. But I remember. I cherish.
To those of you who have the good fortune of living with your parents and family, and having them around always, cherish it. You only how much it means, when you don't have it.
And more than you, your mother knows. I wish mine didn't have to have it like this. But then, that's what life is isn't it.

7.

Rubber. Road. Grip. (via @krisnair)

Always use a rubber. I'm not a saint, and I have erred too. I've always woken up regretting it. The stakes are too high. There's too much to lose, for no reason.

While on @krisnair.
Be grounded. To be very melodramatic
"You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake; You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else; We are all part of the same compost heap; We are the all singing, all dancing, crap of the world"
Remember that, and then try be the snowflake. Fight for it. For yourself. Not for showing someone you are one.
Be different, be someone, be meaningful, for yourself. No one else gives a fuck.
He is that. He might make me like that still. Hopefully.


8.

Be not afraid of indulging in something that makes you happy (with the disclaimer that it shouldn't be something that's causing harm to someone or to your health).
Life's too short to worry about the consequences of a lot of things. If it makes you happy, it does.
You can't ever regret something that gave you joy and happiness at that point of time. Things will always be different in retrospect, but that's the point. Things change, time moves on.
Grab all the happiness you can get at every point in your life.



Looking back at the random musings of tonight, I’ve voiced my thoughts on sex and being alone, on how I’ve come close to people I met through twitter, on my career choices, on mathematics and my unrealized love for the same, on the sea, on seeking and exploring, on home and family, on having safe sex, on being grounded, on happiness.

To tie it all together. Cherish family, understand math, have safe sex, lots of it, be trusting, take risks, explore, be unafraid, be grounded, be happy.
I see I haven't tied anything together, but somehow it does.
Our lives are all over the place, chaotic, and yet it all comes together. In exactly the same way, I think all of this does. Somehow, sometime, it does.


I am indebted to @mizarcle @vivekisms and @nelsonnium for the push in getting me to write. Thank you. I know this is all over the place. I hope it doesn't completely disappoint.

Featuring @mizarcle @vivekisms @nelsonnium @krisnair @harshsabale @kingfisherworld

My Life

I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
My fate is yet unsure,
My soul far from pure.
This is my life, and I would not live it another way.

My Life

I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
My fate is yet unsure,
My soul far from pure.
This is my life, and I would not live it another way.

Time and Space

Sometimes, you have too much in one context, and too little in another.
Life goes on. I'll try and come around more often.

Making it as a Photographer

Disclaimers:

1. I haven't yet made it as a photographer. I would however in the same breath say that I've done some things right.
2. I am definitely not the best person for this.

So, someone on Facebook - who added me after dropping by my website, was asking me for suggestions and advice etc. He went on to suggest I write something like what I hope this post looks like - as something people just starting out can look at for pointers.

So here are my two pence on the things one should / should not do.

Test Waters

Before deciding to get yourself that uber cool SLR, and damaging your pockets deeply in the process, it would be more than advisable to test waters. What I mean by this is doing photography with whatever tools and devices you have at hand - borrowing a friends SLR occasionally if possible. See how much you like to click, and equally importantly, see what people think of what you click. There will be both bricks and bouquets, but try and judge the feedback with an unbiased stance.

Once you've done this for a while - you'll have a better idea of whether you really want to do this, and whether you can. Each as important as the other.

The SLR & Starting Gear

So now, you feel a tad more confident and willing to do what needs be done to try and take your photography to the next level.

An SLR is the obvious next step. Here I'll just say that get yourself something a little higher end than you're comfortable with.

Why - Essentially, because a camera body is an investment thats going to stick around with you for decently long. You may get an array of lenses, but you getting a new camera body is a little less likely. It will mean you have to dish out extra money - in the long run, it'll turn out to be worth it.

Coming to the most FAQ as far as SLR choices go - Canon / Nikon.

Though I'm myself a Canon person, I think the best way to decide is to decide on a camera by each - and then go the stores and play around with it feel it.

Obviously internet research, blogs, comparisons, flickr camera popularity details should all be taken into account, but nothing as much as your comfort with the camera.

Also, starting out - getting more gear (lenses, tripod, a hi-fi camera bag) may not be the best idea. Take some time getting comfortable, seeing what sort of pictures you like to click, and then choose lenses etc appropriate for that genre.

Photo-blog

In my opinion, it makes most sense to buy a domain name, online space and set up your own website. Pixelpost is one of the best services to enable photo hosting on your domain name with some brilliant free of cost templates and a very convenient organised portal for uploading pictures.

Also, set up a google analytics account for your website. It helps in tracking traffic on the website in as much detail as you might need. A brilliant source on telling you how effective the methods you might use to spread work are.

Spreading your Work

There are a few good ways of doing this. A LOT of them being internet based of course.

• Twitter
It is said to be one of the best things to have happened to online social networking and they may not be too far from the truth. So yes, get yourself onto twitter. Make your presence not just about your website but otherwise as well. Follow people, tweet things, links etc. Be someone you'd want to follow. Soon, you will have people following you as well. Occasional tweets with links to your images, asking for RT's will start getting those RT's and could reach halfway across the world in moments. It works. Believe me. Use it.

• Facebook
Facebook has its merits and uses too. I'll assume, you already are on FB. If not; wake up! So well, you could (should) obviously have your website details on your profile. Apart from that, creating a fan page / group on FB helps. Apart from that, don't be too strict with who you add and who you don't. And keep occasionally sharing links to your website and pics on your profile and the page you create.

• Photo Sharing Sites
FotoStock, Flickr (not the best example), photoblog-community.com, photoblogs.org, and the millions of such websites out there on the internet range from near redundant to fantastic. The point is, even the worst one does you no hard. So sit yourself down, find them, create a decent profile, share your website. It DOES get you hits. Not too many, but importantly, ones you would otherwise NOT have access to. And it might get you a lot of random useless hits as well, no harm ever came of that though. Did it?

• Other online stuff
Some of the other things you can do - GTalk statuses, Google buzz and the likes. Use them to spread your links. Ask good friends to share as well etc etc.

One thing that should be very evident from this section is that I have been focussing a LOT on increasing traffic to the website, even though this might not convert to sales of any sort. It is important because as people see, and hopefully like your work - it will have a good recall, so when an opportunity or need arises, they do think of you.

Now some non internet based stuff I have done, and found to work.

• Exhibition
So it does sound a very daunting and expensive idea. But if you're in college - you can manage to get a hall at nominal rates or free even for a few days. A few prints done on a lightweight material (I'll explain why) wont cost the world, and will help convince others, and importantly yourself of your seriousness about this. A teeny article/ad in the local newspaper can help get interested locals to the event as well. Why I said lightweight is that you can keep this set of prints for other exhibitions you might be able to hold in other places. There are free galleries here and there and some googling will go a long way in helping you find these. When you make prints for someone - make them on a harder sturdier backing.

• Word of Mouth
Another good way to get attention and possible sales is to first know the possible means of sales for you. Prints for decor or otherwise, someone giving you a project, calendar designing etc etc. Tell your friends, colleagues etc etc of these things in casual conversation so that they do think of you when they need it or when speaking to someone else about something like say getting a personalised calendar made. Shall help.

• Miscellaneous
A few other things. If you do have a regular job (like I do) you could explore getting some pictures put up at work.

This is most of what I wanted to put down for now. I will add more to this or post more stuff as and when I think of things I might have left out.
Here's wishing you and I all the best in our endeavours to pursue passion.
Cheers!

Hank Moody

This post isn't about Hank Moody, or Californication.

It's about me. My life. My screw ups. My bastard self. My depravity. My damnation!

What do you do if you've fucked up too much. What do you do then?

I can't glue back the hundreds of plates you've broken back there, I can't undo the damage, can't change the evidence on that scale of judgement.

Tormented by the shredding going on inside, not once in a week, or every morning, but continually. To have, at the back of my turd shaped brain, the knowledge and the pain of being a destroyer. Self destruction - no, not that, that's not the tumour, that isn't the answer as Chuck might had have us believe either. Some argue that it might be the answer to getting laid but, not to life, no it isn't.

The destruction and violent defiling, with the appearance of grace and elegance of a dying blue blood royalty, of all love and beauty around in the shit pot of an excuse I call 'a life', is the fucking tumour. The sadness of knowing that I cannot possibly be much more than a horny, despicable, idiosyncratic, douche bag with the mental capacity of a pre teen kid, and that the impulses to change that don't last too long - because, I don't have a pair; or just maybe because I do.

Gun to your head in a store - life flashing by. What do you see?

I see some extremely messed up shit, some bad decisions.

In all fairness, there are better than good things too, but this isn't about those, so I'm going to let them pass by unnoticed. For now.

I see bridges burned, one way roads taken, innocence lost, mistakes done, and redone, and redone a few more times. I see treasures lost, people hurt irreparably, times lost, myself lost.

Lost in a deluging and seemingly beautiful and calm sea of nothingness, with those few moments on the shore - when I see a spade to be a spade. And myself for what I am. Then I go light the fire between the lips, pick the bottle and get to business.

End of the day, or the morning after - What's inside the human pumping mechanism, and I don't mean the ejaculatory system.

Another step towards what I know I don't want to end up in. Another step away from the one thing I should fly towards. Another step to damnation; Oh! Wait, I was there a long time back already.

Remorse. A kick in the balls. A solid shake - a wake up call. Thats what I feel like. Then I either sleep off, or wake up either ways - to the fictional life in a self conceived world I imagine myself to be living. A desperate wish for me to get up and realise it was all a dream. A good bad dream, the ones you thank for happening.

The blame. Who do you blame; yourself - never!!!

I mean for real!! I can't remember when I blamed myself for this - to myself and to the people around, I give some garbage about things in life happening and changing you - but what the fuck! I made the choices. I know it, hell everybody knows it. Hell even she knows it. She might hate herself for it somewhere, but the truth is, she made her choices and I mine. She is no way responsible for my depravity.

I think its high time I need to accept that I am the master of my fate; the captain of my soul.

And since I think I know what I want the compass bearing to read, time I turn that helm the right way.

Adios.

To a life worth dying for.

Of Late

I'm all lost. The only solution I can think of and want to choose right now - delve myself insanely deeply into work and just kill one self with it. By work I mean bullet point targets/goals and working towards them.

• Read. (Please pour in suggestions.)
  
• Photography Exhibition.
  
• Photography/Blooging related contributions to certain publications.
• Travel. Like Mad.
• Work with a friends start up.
• Blow up some serious money on stupid shit.
• Get into a exercise routine to check the belly that IS inevitable in the working world.
• Make something for a certain someone.
• Figure out online trading n how it works etc.
• Get a not detailed brief on filing tax returns.

A lot I see I managed to put down. Lets see how much of it I can get done.. I do think all of them are near critically important as such.

Love. Wish me luck.

And applicable for some - forgive me where I have done you wrong.